If you’ve ever tried to purchase a present for someone in the cryptocurrency community, chances are that you’ve encountered some truly confusing, tacky, and otherwise terrible gift ideas. It’s like the entire gag-gift industry has spent the last few years throwing ideas against the wall, and hoping that one of them will eventually stick. Sift through the pile of things that fell to the floor with a thud, however, and you may just find some comedy gold.
Let’s take a look at five truly strange cryptocurrency collectables and gifts you can buy right now. (Just remember to pay in fiat.)
1. Crypto Cookie Cutters: Have you ever wanted to whip up a batch of cryptocurrency-themed sugar cookies for a party? Probably not. But if, for whatever reason, you find yourself with this very specific urge, there’s a product on Ebay just for you. This set of three 3-D printed cookie cutters includes forms for Monero, Ether, and Bitcoin (and Bitcoin Cash) sweet treats. There are worse things to spend $20 on.
2. Cryptocurrency-Themed Vinyl Record Wall Art: If you ever want to cringe your way through an entire Ebay category, a good place to start would be the “Home & Garden” subcategory in “Cryptocurrency.” There’s some truly embarrassing stuff out there, including bitcoin sheet sets, ethereum beach towels, and $150 “fine art prints” of a painting of the word “HODL” on a framed canvas. But if so simply must invest in cryptocurrency home decor, maybe start with a framed, laser-etched vinyl album of your favorite crypto token’s logo. It’s the closest thing to tasteful cryptocurrency wall art as you’re likely to find in the $50 range.
3. The Blockchain: The mark of a truly great gag gift is that it forces you, completely against your will, to emit a groan of something not-entirely unlike a single, deeply pained laugh. That’s probably what the makers of “The Blockchain” were hoping for. It’s an absolute failure on that count, but at least they gave it a shot. What is this “white elephant geek gag gift”? It’s a chain attached to a one-inch square block of wood. Hilarious. It’s also $5 plus shipping, which means the gag is really on the person buying this thing.
4. Bitcoin Divot Repair Tool: Sometimes, when a golf ball hits the green a little too hard, it leaves a small dent in the ground. Serious golfers carry around a specialized tool — basically a little two-pronged fork — to fix these “divots” as a common courtesy for other players. As such, I can only imagine that the market for bitcoin-themed divot repair tools (also usable as a ball marker) is somewhat limited. For the right person, however, this is probably the perfect $5 gift.
5. Bitcoin Toilet Paper: “If You Need To Go, Then Go; Don’t HODL It!” By far, this marketing slogan is the best part of this bizarre gag gift. Cash-themed toilet paper is at least kind of funny, as paper money and toilet paper are basically the same kind of physical object. But bitcoin isn’t even a physical item. So is this for people who hate the concept of bitcoin? That seems like a really small market for a gag gift. Worse yet, this 3-ply TP roll is a worse deal than most ICOs, offering a mere 250 sheets for a whopping $10 price tag.